Follow The Leader
by everybetty
Summary: Lorne makes a snap decision and does whatever he can to keep Sheppard alive. Written for the Secret Santa exchange on SheppardHC. Rated T for language and brief nudity.


Title: "Follow the Leader" (1/1) Gen  
Author: Everybetty with some help from Kristen999  
Character(s): Lorne and Sheppard Friendship  
Genre(s): Stargate Atlantis: H/C  
Rating: T ...For some curse words and brief nudity  
Words: 7,700 total  
Spoilers: Mild Season 4

Summary: Lorne makes a snap minute decision and does whatever he can to keep Sheppard alive. Written for the Secret Santa Sheppard HC

Notes:this was for Laurie101. She wanted Sheppard whumpage with Lorne along for the ride, and some ouchies for the Major as well. Sorry for the delay on this, folks. My muse went on an extended coffee break. Thankfully, I have a really good friend in Krsten999 and she pinch hit for me. A goodly amount of this fic is hers - she stepped in and rescued me and I am very grateful. Kristen...thank you...again. But at least I got it in under the wire. Now I get to go read everyone's else fics - including the one written for me !!

* * *

My breath was harsh in my ears, pluming out behind me in gouts of silver mist and my boots smashed through the skin of ice that covered the muddy ground as I ran.

I caught another glimpse of black against water then it disappeared from sight. The river was a little slower here, pools forming at the shores and in front of the massive grey boulders that jutted from the surface.

Then the black resurfaced along with a flash of pale. A hand still clung feebly to a chunk of deadwood.

"Colonel!" I screamed again, hoping the man could hear that he wasn't alone, that help was nearby. But what kind of help? The river's current, still so fast here, pulled his body even farther away- the closest I'd gotten was fifty yards. Any chance I'd taken to dive in and get him would've ended with both our deaths.

A massive stone iceberg loomed ahead and the eddies swirled the log and its passenger around, dunking Sheppard back under. I kept running, my eyes scanning the surface of the river.

One the other side, the log spit free. It'd been broken in two. There was no sign of Sheppard for several heartbeats that I counted out in slams against my heaving sternum. Then he popped up, rolled to one side, his face barely breaking the surface, one arm moving in a stuttering swimming motion as he fought to stay afloat.

I bellowed his name again; he gave no sign that he'd heard and it wasted breath I didn't have but I needed him to know--

Doubt dug its claws into me, ripping at my resolve. Exactly who was I kidding? It wasn't like I was the poster boy for miraculous feats and great judgment calls of late.

Ah, shit. Focus.

I bore down, poured it on and was rewarded with drawing a little closer - adrenaline fed me as I hurtled down the riverbank. Thorn bushes slapped at my face, searing slashes across my cheeks. One caught me above the eye and hot blood mixed with the cold sweat beaded on my forehead. It dripped down, stinging my eyes and I dashed a hand up to wipe it away. I couldn't afford to lose sight of the colonel.

He was flailing in the water, making river angels, waving his arms in a panic to stay afloat. He was losing the battle, sinking once, then rising with a splutter.

Ahead the river widened, and slowed. There was a meager grey sand beach there with small waves lapping noisily at its edges. The colonel continued in the far currents, bobbing on the surface. He was almost motionless, his legs kicking sluggishly and I saw his head drop below the surface.

I knew I'd never get a better chance and my time appeared to be drawing short.

Cursing at the time it took but knowing how crucial it would be to any chance the colonel had I stripped off my kit. Heavy coat, tac vest, sweater and tee in one go I pulled off over my head and threw down next to my pack. Toed off my boots and tossed the socks in rolled up bunches next to them.

Four long strides. Fuck! My ankle caught in the rocks, the forward motion of my weight wrenching the joint beyond its range, and I felt heat in spite of the liquid ice it was submerged in. Pain radiated up my leg and the next step made me gasp and stumble.

Then water deepened and I dove- the frigid water stole my breath. Fuck! Another shouted curse. Damn, but the water was colder than the crick back home in April.

And Sheppard'd been in the water for almost half an hour.

Strong kicks surged me through the dark water. The pressure on my ankle was like a knife with each push but it scared me how quickly the pain numbed. Not sparing a breath to call out again, I surfaced only for a gulp of air. It was a little warmer than the water that surrounded me and I felt the heat in my chest for a brief moment. I headed for the last place I'd had sight of the colonel, scissoring my legs in strong pulses of muscles that already ached with the cold.

My hand brushed something soft and organic feeling. I pulled it in and up to the surface with me but it was only a moss-covered, sodden tree branch but at least breeching the surface gave me another chance to scan. The colonel was only five feet away. His eyes were closed but his hands were still sculling sluggishly in the water.

Never surrender. Never give in. I could do this. It'd been what? A few minutes in comparison. I'd been up against three super soldiers without backup and only one mag left. This was easy... a cakewalk.

Another surge forward and Sheppard was in my grasp. I grabbed the man against my chest with one arm, holding his lolling head above the surface as I turned and headed back for the shore. Sheppard was coughing and shaking violently.

The cold leeched all the strength from my body and six feet of dead weight added a burden I could barely manage. I kicked once more, my free arm making broad strokes through the dark water, then noticed how things eased a bit. Sheppard was actually struggling to kick, trying to match my pace. Half dead and the man was still fighting.

And that fight was what got us to the shore, finally. I barely felt the rocks against my numb limbs as I crabbed over them, knees and one unencumbered hand dragging us past and onto the grey sand shore.

Sheppard rolled free, lying on his back to cough a few times, then went completely still. My body was wracked with shudders that wouldn't let me uncurl from the fetal ball I'd bunched myself into. I grit my teeth and clenched my fists in an attempt to gain control of my frozen muscles. Another glance at Sheppard's waxen face had me groaning on to my knees to half-crawl to his side. Blood trickled in a watery rivulet from his forehead; I'd seen him strike a rock a few miles back but the impact had appeared glancing. I could only hope that a concussion wasn't on the menu of injuries I knew he'd already sustained.

"Colonel?" I tapped his cheek lightly with numb fingers, wanting to shake him by the shoulders and get those eyes opened again but not wanting to risk hurting him. "Colonel Sheppard!" I rubbed my knuckles roughly on his sternum then pinched his earlobe- hard.

I was rewarded with a long, nasal groan like the sound a bull moose makes. It eventually formed a discernable word- well, sorta discernable. "Ow."

"Sorry, Colonel, but I need you to open your eyes."

"Why?"

"Because we need to move, sir."

"Why?"

"Because you're freezing to death, and I'm pretty damn cold myself. Now come on - Open your eyes!"

They opened at that. He blinked a few times, started to let them close again, then fixed them on me. Mostly dead but he still had steel in his bleary gaze.

"Who's th' colonel 'round here, Maj'r?"

"Sorry, Colonel. Desperate times…"

"Despr't measures. Yeah, yeah. Wha... what're you do' here?"

"Hopefully saving your hide. Can we _please_ move, sir?" What would have been a pleasant breeze, most likely enjoyed across my sweaty, heated skin after the five mile run I'd just had, was instead like icy talons being clawed across my bare back and I shivered. My teeth started chattering again and I rubbed my hands up and down my arms.

_No_, my inner voice scolded. Amateur move; heat the torso first, then my limbs. Good one. I was already forgetting even the most basic principles of warming the body.

The colonel turned his head slowly from side to side then squinted in what was a clear attempt at concentration. "Move where?"

Seizing on his brief lucidity I got up and went over to pick up my discarded kit and clothing, shoving it all in my pack and flinging it over one arm. I returned to where Sheppard was now struggling to sit up but he was like a puppet with cut strings, a fish flopping on dry dock. He lifted his head then dropped it back down, then tried each limb in turn.

"Hang on a sec, sir. Lemme help. Try not to bend too far at the waist, and  
let me take your weight, okay?"

He just nodded breathlessly at me but followed my movements with his eyes.

Bending over, I picked up his arms and crossed them around my neck. "Can you hang on, sir?" I felt his grip tighten around me and I bent my knees and stood, grunting as I hauled six feet of sopping wet Sheppard to his feet. The man had a good few inches on me but I'm pretty sturdily built; I staggered a little then moved his weight to the side, resting him against my hip, countering my balance with the pack on my other arm. Damn, but the extra weight felt extra nice on my ankle.

I could feel him start to slide, his knees buckling, but I hefted once, shifting my arm around his waist. My hand at his hip touched something warm and tacky. One thing at a time…

"You ready, sir?"

His head bobbed in a stuttered nod and I noticed his eyes were screwed shut and his lips had disappeared inside his tightly clamped closed mouth. He took in a huge, fortifying inhale through his nose then nodded again. His feet dragged in the soft grey sand as I lugged us up the beach towards the cliffs.

The first goal'd been accomplished. I'd snagged Sheppard from death's door. Well, immediate death anyway. His continued existence would depend on what I did from here on out. It wasn't much different from battlefield strategy, planning and anticipating moves ahead of time. That's what a leader does, right? Even if I hadn't exactly been a stellar example of one lately it seemed…

Crap. It was really stupid and a hell of a time to allow a little self doubt to cloud my judgment. Not that I wasn't a little stressed out. It wasn't every day that the life of the military commander of Atlantis rested squarely on my shoulders. Oh, sure I've rescued the Alpha team on a few occasions, even performed some pretty daring stuff when the city was on the verge of annihilation.

But this... this felt different. One-on-one. My CO's life. Literally in the palms of my shaking hands.

* * *

The cave was small, but that was a good thing; it would trap our heat better. I leaned Sheppard against the 'doorway' and eased him down slowly, his back dragging down the stone until he was half-seated, half-slumped over.

I've done my time in caves - mining detail meant you had to be good in small, dark places - and after a quick sweep of the light at the end of my P-90 I could tell this would suit our needs. It didn't go any further back in so I'd only have the front entrance to worry about and it didn't look like anything else would be sharing our humble abode. I kicked aside a few small piles of tiny, almost delicate bones; their size made me hope that the predator that took them down was equally innocuous. I saw how the wind had blown in leaves and small branches and I quickly pulled the larger pieces of dried wood off to the side then swept the leaves into a large pile. I pulled out one of the plastic wrapped emergency foil blankets from my vest pocket, snapped it out briskly, and laid it on top of the leaves. He would need a barrier between him and the cold stone floor.

Then I went back for Sheppard. I was still shivering, even after all the movement needed to get the cave ready for us, but the colonel was eerily still. Considering his temp had to be several degrees lower than mine at least, I knew he'd gone way past freezing to seriously hypothermic. I didn't even know how bad the gunshot wound was at this stage so blood loss was an unknown variable. The wound on his head had stopped bleeding at least; _thank God for small miracles, such as they are _as my mom used to say.

And of course, the second I noted a small improvement, my ankle chose that  
time to remind me it was at the very least badly sprained. The icy river had numbed it but my movement had awakened formerly frozen, aggravated nerves. I took another step and felt something grind. _Not _sprained then.

"Colonel?" I repeated the whole sternum, earlobe thing, then actually pinched the flesh on his bicep as hard as I could through the wet fabric. Nothing. So I grabbed him by the shoulders, tipped him almost vertical, then dragged him into the cave, depositing him as gently as I could atop the blanket-covered leaf pile.

I started pulling my dry clothes out of the pack then turned it right over, dumping the contents on the cave floor so I could take a quick and dirty inventory of what I had to work with. Clothes? Fire? Blankets? Cover him in his wet clothes, start the fire? Get the clothes off him, get the fire started, new clothes? Oh, yeah, and the bullet wound. Fuck!

I started to rise to a crouch but my ankle buckled under my weight and I splayed out, grabbing at the offended joint and digging my fingers in. I started rocking in frustration; my thoughts were sluggish, like I was on my third beer; kinda fuzzy around the edges. I knew it was my own mild hypothermia muddling my head - I know this stuff. I know what to do, the steps to take, I just couldn't get them straight. And if I didn't get my shit together I'd lose my CO, no doubt about it.

I crabbed over to Sheppard's side, dragging the pack and my vest with me. I dug my fingers into the pockets of the colonel's vest and practically pumped my fist in the air in triumph as I felt the familiar plastic packaging of his own foil blanket.

I eased up the side of his tac vest under his coat. The flesh on his stomach was the same temperature as the cold fabric as I checked the wound. I rolled him a little to his side and checked his back. The bullet had gone right through, leaving a hole in his belly, right above his hip - right where _most_ forty-year-old men have love handles. Not that Sheppard will ever have that problem.

First things first. With shaking hands I unzipped his coat and the vest underneath. But when I pulled him up by his left arm to take the coat off, Sheppard's eyes flew open and he cried out, pulling away from me. His eyes were wild, unfocused and he was rocking in obvious agony.

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry, Colonel. I didn't know-- I'm sorry --"

"--Don't fucking touch me!" he suddenly growled. His good hand started scrambling at his thigh for his Glock but his movements were so off kilter, so uncoordinated, he was practically missing his leg. But this was Sheppard we're talking about and once his hand found his gun, all bets would be off. So I pinned his arm down - too easily- and pulled his Glock free of its holster and tossed it into a dark corner of the cave. It was probably soaked through and inoperable but I couldn't take the chance.

Sheppard _freaked_ when I took the gun, started bucking against my hand, and all I could think about was how much more damage this was doing to his gunshot wound. Thankfully, his outburst was short-lived- there was no way in his condition he had more than that last burst in him- and he dropped back limply, still rolling his head anxiously and muttering curse words.

I cautiously lowered my ear a little closer.

"Fuckers… kill you all… kill you all… don't you do it, 'lizbeth… don't … kill you all…"

Great. The pain had been so great it made him think he was being tortured again. Guess that made me Kolya. Not exactly confidence inspiring.

"Colonel- it's me. It's Major Lorne - Evan Lorne. I think - I think you dislocated your shoulder. I need to get your wet clothes off - can you help me?"

I got no answer save for a few more _really_ offensive references to my parentage.

Guess I do this without help, I muttered. Then again - maybe it was another small miracle-- I didn't exactly relish him being awake while I stripped him down.

It was like undressing a crash test dummy; his limbs were stiff and I had to take extra precautions with his bad shoulder - purple bruising already covered him from collarbone to underneath his armpit. After getting his coat and vest off I realized that the shirt would be to hard and borrowed Sheppard's own Gerber to slice the material off of him. I set that aside, hoping maybe it would dry enough to use for bandages later.

I covered him with the second foil blanket, then added my coat on top of that. Then I reached underneath, undid his BDUs and worked the sodden layers of fabric down off his legs. It was almost impossible to separate his boxers from the pants they were so soaked but I got them spread out and off to the side. Once I got the fire going I could only hope they'd dry.

Sheppard had a roll of field bandages in his tac vest but they were too wet to be much help so I pulled the one out from my vest and packed it in his wound as best as I could. The position low on his side made it awkward and it didn't help that he had two holes in him.

After finishing I sat back and took stock of my remaining supplies and our situation. He was dry and his wound had been bandaged but I still had a lot of work ahead of me.

* * *

"Lorne?"

"Hey, Colonel. Good to hear your voice."

"Good to be. ... Heard. Wha… wh…" Sheppard's eyes blinked slowly a few times and he turned his head on my empty backpack that I'd made into a makeshift pillow, taking in our less than appealing surroundings before fixing his groggy gaze on me.

I saw another 'W' forming on his lips and I smiled as reassuringly as I could and pulled myself over to his side. "Long story, sir. Glad to have you here to tell it to. I was getting a little lonely sitting here. How're you feeling?"

He screwed his face up in concentration, tried shifting, and immediately stilled with a deep, heartfelt groan.

"That good, huh? That'll teach you to go whitewater rafting without the raft." I lifted the blanket and coat and exposed his flank. Sheppard recoiled, cringing as the cool air hit his skin. "Sorry, Colonel. Just need to check this out."

The bandage was sopped through with dark brown blood. Fresh crimson trickled down his side and puddled on the cave floor.

I saw Sheppard tuck his chin down, straining to see what I was doing and I knew I didn't have another bandage available so I dropped the covers back in place and tucked them around him as best I could. "Looks good," I lied. "How's your head?"

He sighed and grimaced, then started to pull his hand free from the foil blanket.

"You should really stay covered," I said hastily. But the man is nothing if not tenacious - a word I'd picked up from Dr McKay that suited the colonel to a tee. He pulled one arm free with another groan then let it drop heavily on to his chest. He stared blearily at his hand for a bit, then looked at me. I could tell he was half convinced he was still hallucinating.

"Is that… a sock on my hand, Major?"

"Yes, sir. Actually, there are socks on both your hands -- wait!" I reached out and stopped him from moving the other arm but it was too late. Sheppard sucked in a gasp and then muttered a few words that would have made a Teamster blush.

"You, uh, dislocated your shoulder, Colonel, remember? On the rocks. I think." I was only guessing it was the rocks - from the velocity of the impact and the relatively minor wound on his head, _something_ had to have gotten in between his skull and the rock.

"Rocks? Socks and rocks?"

Oh, shit. Sheppard was going Dr Seuss on me- never a good sign.

"Yes, sir. Rocks in the river. Hence the socks. On your hands." I raised my eyebrows and gave him a hopefully encouraging smile. "Do you remember anything, Colonel?"

Sheppard chewed on his lip while he drew his exposed arm back under the foil blanket. I could see he was shivering again so I poked at our tiny fire while he tried sorting out the thoughts in his scrambled brain.

Then I saw clarity smooth out his brow and he turned accusing eyes at me. "I r'member I t-told you to take your g-geeks back to the jumper," he stuttered through chattering teeth.

Crap. Figured. The one thing he remembered is an order I'd disobeyed. "Yes. Yes you did, sir."

"And did you?"

"Not exactly. But Perkins and Kreutz got them back to the jumper," I quickly added at his narrowing gaze. "In fact Dr. Lev was giving as good as we were getting- she's ex-Mossad you know. She took down a little one with that Krav Maga stuff - you should let her give classes."

I knew I was babbling and my CO's eyes had narrowed to slits. "Sorry. I _did_ make sure they had an escort to the jumper. But I did not take them myself. Sir."

Sheppard rolled his head for a bit and sighed, then strained upwards to get a better take on his situation. I'd done my best with what I had but he looked a bit like a pile of clothes. My clothes to be exact. At least he seemed to be warming up a little. The shivering had slowed down to an occasional shudder and his teeth stopped shattering.

"Alright, Lorne. I give. I… I have no idea why I'm in a cave, apparently wearing your socks on my hands. As a start. Are these..?" He pulled his hand back out gingerly and grimaced. "Are these the socks from your feet?"

I tucked my bare feet further underneath me and chuckled. "Oh, you'd know if they were, sir. No, those are a clean pair from my pack. The socks from my feet are on your feet right now."

"You… carry clean socks with you on missions?" The man was looking at me like I was certifiable.

"Sure do, sir. Courtesy of my father. He was RA- Regular Army. Served two tours in Vietnam. And he told me the one thing a grunt needs is good feet. Always carried an extra pair with him. And. I do too. Wet feet in boots." I didn't have to go further as I saw Sheppard nodding as he wrinkled his nose. He'd known the pain of chafing obviously. "He was also the one who always told me to always carry waterproof matches," I added as I jerked my head towards the fire.

"Your father sounds pretty wise, Major. But why am I wearing both pairs of your socks?"

"The river, sir? You spent the better part of a half hour in the river out there. You were a Colonel-sicle when I pulled you out."

Sheppard rolled his eyes at the remark. "You… Major, why don't you start from the beginning. Like when you first disobeyed my direct order."

I squirmed and pulled my feet in tighter. Damn, it was fricking cold in the cave even with the fire. That I was wearing only still damp BDUs wasn't helping, of course.

"Well, I heard you shout to Ronon when they attacked. Baylor took out one and started rushing back towards the jumper with Dr. McKay. Gotta give the man credit - McKay, I mean. Baylor had him by the vest, pulling him along and the doc was fighting him. Actually looked like he wanted to stay in the fight." I chuckled. McKay never ceased to annoy the crap out of me but only he could wear an expression of such abject terror while standing his ground.

I paused, waiting to see if Sheppard had any questions and to get a gauge on whether he was remembering anything. He just pulled his hand back under the blanket and snuggled down as if I was telling him a bedtime story.

"Anyway. Teyla had two men pinned down and I saw her wing one. Ronon had bodies piling up on the path. I heard you shout the order to get my geeks back to the jumper and I was on the way with them and Perkins and the lieutenant."

Sheppard's eyes perked up on the 'heard you shout the order' and I tried to keep my voice even, as if disobeying a direct command wasn't a big deal.

"Kreutz had our six and I heard him cry out. He'd taken fire, wasn't bad, just a graze, but when I turned around I saw you get hit. Ronon and Teyla were too busy- they never saw it happen - but you'll be happy to know I saw the guy who tagged you enveloped in red blaster light right after."

His eyebrows shot up in amusement. "Wish we had a Ronon for every unit," he remarked.

"Wouldn't be fair to the Bad Guys, sir."

Sheppard quirked a small smile but his gaze quickly hardened. "You were saying, Major…?"

"I swear, sir. Perkins and Kreutz had my geeks and they were more than halfway to the jumper. You really only had one chance, Colonel. When you got hit you fell back, landed in the river. Current was pretty fierce -- it pulled you down about five miles from where we were."

"Five miles? How the -- what did you do?"

"Ran. Followed you along the shoreline until I had a chance to pull you out. I'm just sorry you had to stay in so long. You were beyond hypothermic. I - I did the best I could."

"Well, considering I'm still here, Major… what's the damage?" he asked, tucking his chin down towards his stomach.

"Caught you in the side- right below where the vest ends. Looks like a thru 'n' thru. It's uh… It's still bleeding but it doesn't seem like it got anything, um… necessary... inside. Don't think you'd be talking to me if you'd been-- we've been here for about four hours," I hurried to finish.

"Four--" He scanned the cave once more then flashed me a look that tried to show anger but only showed concern. "Why the hell haven't the rest of the team shown up - did you get anyone on the radio?"

"No radio, remember? Dr Lev said something about the underlying mineral in the soil preventing radio waves or something -- best I took was Rocks for Jocks in college."

"So we're here..."

"Until they can find us, yeah. Ronon's a tracker- he'll figure out pretty quick you went in the drink. It'll just be a matter of them scanning the shores. So in the meantime." I clambered to my knees, wincing as my ankle took some weight.

"What's wrong with your leg?" Bleary-eyed and bleeding out but he was still eagle-eyed. "Nothing- just sprained it," I assured him, plastering on a smile as I made my way over to the fire.

I tried the handle, hissed and sucked on my burnt fingers then used some leaves from the floor as a potholder to take the tin cup off the rocks. I tested the temperature of the liquid in it with my finger. Then I kneed my way over to Sheppard and held out the cup. "Here, Colonel - try some of this. Careful- the handle got hot."

I helped him rise up and propped him against my knee. Sheppard held up a sock-hand and did that eyebrow thing. "Don't worry… got a mitt." He sipped the steaming liquid and his brow furrowed. "Is this tea?"

"Yes, sir."

"And you just ran to the corner store?"

"No...I keep tea bags on me; some habits die hard."

Tremors ran through Sheppard's hand and I steadied the cup while the colonel tried to ignore them. "Tastes like..."

"Earl Grey. Hot."

The corners of Sheppard's mouth curled. "Picard was lucky; he always had that hot doctor after him."

"Crusher, yes, sir."

He looked up at me. "And if you say one word about K---"

"Oh, you're much cooler than him, sir." And Sheppard had real hair, unlike Shatner, I mused with a wicked grin.

I took away the half-empty cup, and eased Sheppard back down into his leaf bed. I turned and held my hands over the crackle of flames, letting the heat seep in.

"You're out of uniform, Major."

"Regrettably so, but then, so are you, sir."

"Yeah, about that… did you --"

"--Hang your clothes up to dry? Yes, sir," I overrode him hastily, not really willing to relive stripping my CO naked. "They're are drying out by the fire. Or at least not getting more wet, I amended. My last check of them they were still pretty much soaked through. I turned my back to the fire so the heat washed over my flesh. It was nice, like a little massage over my strained muscles.

Sheppard wiggled around in an attempt to find a more comfortable spot on the lumpy ground. "There are rocks in my bed."

"Heated ones. Speaking of, it's probably time to switch them out."

I explained to him how I'd wrapped stones heated by the fire in his wet field bandages and placed them at his pulse points to help warm him up as I switched them out for fresh ones. Sheppard still shivered under my coat, and I knew keeping the fire well tended would be my number one goal.

"Don't remember this in Eagle Scouts," Sheppard mumbled, as he scooted closer to the sources of heat.

"No, I learned this from a man's man." I laughed, trying to keep him distracted as I checked on his wound. "Ever have one of those heroes you looked up to, sir? Not Batman or some made up one, but, you know... A guy. One you'd want to have a beer with, or wished you could be him."

Sheppard was giving me 'that' look, the one that said he was sizing my intentions, which was good. If he was pondering my man-crushes, which in itself was an embarrassing thing, then he wasn't aware how sticky the foil blanket was underneath him.

"Tom Brady."

The fact that he answered took me by surprise but I remained noncommittal as I packed the bandage back in place and tucked the blanket and coat down. The leak in the colonel's side was still oozing. Sheppard cleared his throat which turned into a grunt but I recognized the 'and you?' question.

"Bear Grylls, sir." I could tell he had no clue and I shook my head. "I'll introduce you to the wonders of Man Vs Wild when we get home."

I didn't like the silence that followed, as if the idea that going home was really that much of a stretch for Sheppard to believe. This wasn't a suicide run with a nuclear bomb or flying a dart into a hive ship. Damn it, he wasn't even facing some type of deadly transformation. Now _I_ shivered; no way in hell would I allow my CO succumb to something so... so...trivial in comparison.

"I'm going to check for signs of a rescue team," I said and limped out of the cave. Sheppard waved to let me know he heard.

My ankle throbbed with every step, I could barely place any weight on it as I used the walls for support.

I pulled my arms in tight, wrapping my hands over my arms. The crisp cold air was a shock after the small smoky cave. I looked up and took in what looked like a billion stars just peeping out against a purpling sky. Night would soon be falling along with the temperature. And the small fire that was currently adequate wouldn't be much longer.

I set off, limping along painfully, as I scanned the darkening shoreline for wood. It was tough, carrying stick and brush, while I hobbled along but I managed to get together a sizable enough pile to head back. I had no idea how long I'd been out there but the sky was solid black and it was only the twin glowing moons that gave me enough light to get me back.

I was stumbling by the time I made it back, so cold I couldn't see straight I tripped inside the mouth of the cave, spilling the wood I'd gathered all over the floor. Pain lanced through my leg and I grit my teeth against the pain. I panted for a second then dropped painfully to my knees to gather everything back into a pile, to fuel the flames. I stirred the fire back up - it had begun to die down which could _not_ happen. But a few good pokes and the new dry tinder I added got it blazing back up pretty quickly and I allowed myself a minute to just sit and soak up some of its heat. It wasn't until my cheeks tingled that I realized my face had been completely numbed up.

Reluctant to leave the fire, I crawled over to check up on Sheppard. His forehead was deeply creased and he was moaning. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he weakly lashed out at me. "Whoa, sir," I said, grabbing his hand.

"Lor'ne?" he gasped. He began to move fitfully under the blanket and groaned as he moved his bad shoulder but the pain lines evident in his face were clearly about a larger issue. "Damn it," I cursed.

Matches, socks, tea and all the emergency foil blankets in the world had nothing on a med kit and a doc or corpsman to use it. I checked the pulse in his neck, felt the rapid, thready beat beneath my fingertips. Sheppard was sliding into shock and his skin still felt chilled and clammy. Maybe if I had a flare gun or something then I wouldn't feel so useless.

Scouting ahead and trying to find the rescue teams was out of the question; between my ankle and lack of clothes, I'd fall prey to exposure. And I wasn't about to leave my CO behind, to die alone in some damn cave. I scrubbed a hand through my hair and closed my eyes against a wave of despair. My track record of late had been abysmal list of failures.

And I wasn't about to add to it.

"Sir?" I tried to rouse Sheppard without success, rubbing his breastbone, shaking him and shouting at him. Like the man said… desperate times… I jiggled his bad shoulder.

Hazy green rewarded my efforts along with another loud groan. "Told you... to stay with your geeks," he reprimanded me.

What a thing for him to be stuck on. "Yes, I already went over this with you, sir."

"You and them... are... my responsibility...Major.

"Actually, right now? You're mine," I retorted.

It hit me then, the amount of obligation that rested on Sheppard's shoulders. I've shared that weight, borne it through battles for our lives, but I'd never realized the sheer volume until now. The burden of command was hard enough to take if viewed in terms of overseeing a base, but Atlantis was more than that.

Every face had a story in the halls, many of which we knew on a personal level. Not just dog tags or serial numbers divided up by ranks and chains of command. Atlantis was a living, breathing symbol of hope, of the past and the future. A sum of its individuals-- and damn, how many of them had we lost already.

I meant every word. Sheppard was my responsibility.

"How did you ever do it, sir?"

"Do what?"

I didn't mean to say it out loud, but it was just the cave walls and the shadows all around us...almost like a cover for this type of talk. "Taking command… after Colonel Sumner."

Sheppard had taken the reins after just a couple of days and back then... We'd had no foreseeable backup from Earth.

"I... Had to. Duty and all that," he said.

"You'd never been off world before?"

"Nope. Didn't even know we could."

"From leading chopper squads to running a city... that was impressive, sir."

Sheppard snorted.

I knew it'd been at least a year from when he'd run his flight unit before his exile to Antarctica. And I also had it on good authority that his assignment to McMurdo had been punishment for his own decision to ignore orders and rescue a fellow soldier.

"That's nothing to sneeze about, sir."

"The mistakes I made..." His voice trailed off.

"We've all made them, sir."

Sheppard shook his head. "Not like mine."

"Sir, I almost _shot_ you... almost killed you and Colonel Carter." That stupid crystal thing. Waking up to find my own MP's guarding me.

"Not the same, Major. That wasn't your fault... you weren't in control."

Sheppard knew a lot about that, too. Alien possession, the retrovirus incident. I bit my lip again, knowing that a mercy killing had been planned if the colonel had gone totally buggy.

"You've handled yourself under some pretty crazy circumstances, sir."

"Things...must not be… looking too good… if you're giving me a pep talk," he said, his voice rough.

He'd begun trembling again, and I was quaking like a leaf too despite the fire. The nighttime fall in temp was upon us. "I should change the rocks again."

"If this i-is about the virus...outbreak..."

"Now who's giving who a pep talk, sir?" I said, as I wrapped the field dressings  
around new roasty stones.

I listened with half an ear open for sounds outside and the rest on Sheppard. I didn't mean for topics to switch gears like this, but if it kept him talking... kept him engaged, then maybe it could stave off the effects from his swan dive into the river.

But even in the flickering waves of light from the flames, Sheppard's skin was  
growing ashen. I could keep creating makeshift heat packs, but it didn't matter. The cold wasn't draining the life out of Sheppard... it was the slow leaky hole in his belly.

"What do you want to be doing years from now, sir?"

Don't know what compelled me to ask such a question; could be I was feeling drowsy again, but maybe I really wanted to know the answer.

Sheppard took a while to respond; at first I'd thought he'd passed out again but when I'd peered over, his eyes were focused on the stone ceiling in concentration.

His voice sounded weaker when he spoke and it was tough to make out every word. "After all the bad guys are dead...it would be nice to...rebuild..… learn new...make a difference… Help..."

Then his eyes closed and his face went lax. He didn't utter another word after that and nothing I did would rouse him.

My limbs grew heavy as the cave grew steadily colder. I slumped down next to my CO, rubbing his chest with what little energy I had left. But, I didn't let sleep take me down, I would not give in. I couldn't let Sheppard die, couldn't let the soul of Atlantis drift off in the night.

An hour went by, the fire slowly dying down to orange embers. I couldn't get up to get more wood. It was too hard- I couldn't uncurl from my seat on the cold stone floor. Sheppard hadn't moved since his last words but I could still see the silver blanket rising and falling slowly. I averted my gaze when I noticed that the time between each was lengthening.

Then I heard a noise outside the cave and figured my own hallucinations had begun. Because I swore I could hear Rodney McKay. Then I heard Ronon telling him to shut up and I knew it had to be real.

The rest was a blur. Teyla wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and Dr. McKay even gave up his jacket - at her suggestion, of course. She took a look at Sheppard while Ronon ran to get more help. I forced myself to stay awake, watched her ministrations.

There was sadness in her eyes when she sat up and looked at me and my heart sank. Oh, no…

Then she smiled warmly. "He is still alive, Major."

"Small miracles," I mumbled and finally allowed myself to fall asleep.

* * *

I still felt groggy after a night of vital checks, but the heated IV and warming blankets I'd woken to had been very comfortable, despite the frequent interruptions. I rubbed at the crook of my arm where the IV had been, waiting on someone to give me the all clear. I wasn't looking forward to a few weeks on crutches, but maybe I could catch up on some painting.

"Good afternoon, Major Lorne."

"It is noon, isn't it." I smiled at Teyla even though I still wasn't very comfortable talking to her. Maybe she didn't hold a grudge; it didn't change the fact that I still felt guilty about stunning her and locking her up while I'd been hopped up on stims.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not bad."

"Dr. Keller says you've recovered from your case of hypothermia… how is your  
ankle?"

"Better now that it's in plaster. Thanks."

A nurse came by with a care sheet and some pain pills and I was ready to go back to my quarters. Teyla lingered and I was beginning to feel even more awkward.

"Is there anything you need?"

"Are you going to visit Colonel Sheppard?"

My first reaction was fear. "He's going to be okay, right?" I knew he'd had surgery and was recovering but not much beyond that.

"He'll be in here for a while with his injuries. But thanks to you, he'll be fine. "

I shook my head. "I did what anyone else would've."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "I think he wanted to speak with you."

There was the shoe I was expecting to drop. I'm sure I was in for the third degree. "Thanks for telling me. Guess I should go get it over with."

I grabbed my crutches, prepared to accept my punishment, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Ronon and I did not see what happened to John. I am glad you did and took care of him. We are _all_ lucky to have such caring and loyal people around us."

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded before hobbling towards the curtained area where Sheppard was. It wasn't surprising to see a nurse doting on him, but upon my noisy arrival she excused herself.

"Sir," I saluted.

"At ease, Major," Sheppard said, shaking his head.

He looked better, pinker in the cheeks, with his arm resting in a sling. "How  
are you feeling, sir?"

"Like I got shot and went ten rounds with a river, but better. Thank you."

I stayed at attention as best I could with two aluminum crutches. It was always  
weird with the colonel; his laid back personality often masked a very sharp and attentive commander. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"I wanted to thank you for sticking around. Without your survival skills, I'd say we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Again, I didn't know what to say. Sheppard frowned and adjusted himself painfully in bed. "You are aware I'd be dead without your help, right?"

"I did what anyone would have---"

"Bullshit. Not sure how many men would have been as fast thinking on their feet, given me their clothes and put up with me goin' a little crazy. That was pretty cool, the rocks… and... the socks. Could just be me, but I think some of your methods were pretty creative. Might give that television program a try."

"Well...um… thank you, sir."

"Now there is the whole disobeying a direct order."

Here it came, not that I didn't expect it. Sheppard was studying my face and I lifted up my chin. "I'll accept whatever punishment you see fit, sir."

He cocked his head and appeared to consider it. "I want you to train all the other off world teams in some of your skills- no, all of 'em. I think we could all benefit from them."

"Sir?"

"And I'm making you type up a manual to go with it, but I figure since you'll be off your feet that you'll have the time."

This wasn't exactly what I expected.

"We clear, Major?"

"Yes, sir."

"Oh, and, Major...don't ignore one of my orders again. Do what I say... not what I do. Got that?'

"Got it, sir...but, truthfully, I'd do it again."

"Well then, let's hope it doesn't come to that."

I felt a little odd...but then again this was Sheppard. The man was an enigma, but he was our enigma and I trusted his judgment. I still felt like all I did was my duty, but maybe a little bit of the extra weight I'd been carrying the past few months had eased up just a bit.


End file.
